I grew up hearing my family’s concerns about an aunt who never came to visit. The only things I knew about her were that she was a respected scholar at a state university and that she was an “out” and partnered lesbian. I asked a few times about whether her sexual orientation impacted her relationship to my father’s family, and I learned that my grandparents barely knew how to respond to my aunt’s sexual identity. The whole thing to them was unconscionable. Thus, I never met her.