Sarah Louise Heath Palin (born Feb. 11, 1964) is a politician and political commentator — also known as a “pundititian” — a tabloid mainstay, a television personality and what some people might call an “author.”

Palin is currently Alaska’s second-largest export and, unlike its first, just when you think she’s past peak production, she drills down and hosts the “Today” show or something.

Sarah Palin also enjoys naming her children after inanimate objects.

Spring Break is that magical time of year when you find yourself standing in front of a room of onlookers, pants falling down, arms and legs spread-eagled, while a man wearing latex gloves pats you down and a woman with five-inch hot pink finger nails waves a battery-powered wand over your privates.