I'm glad you asked.

Take a city bus. When our car broke down, I took the kids on the bus from Lemon Creek to downtown.

Sure, we had to negotiate a drunk, sleeping on the bench, who woke up only to curse. But my kids still had fun. My 2-year-old son excitedly announced to those who might not know, that we were on a big, blue bus. He clutched the leg closest to him for stability as the bus jerked away.

The regular riders were so stone-faced that even singing "The Wheels On The Bus" with gusto wouldn't break 'em. He still talks about that bus. You might want to buddy up with another parent for this one.

Go to the 'super size me store' in Lemon Creek at lunchtime on a Friday. There will be free samples and you can do circles around the aisle if there's something the kids really like. If you go to the same stand more than once, use different accents, as most sample people don't look up.

Throw down the gauntlet with the juice-a-matic man when he's in town. Tell him your kids won't eat anything, and he'll make custom baby food to prove how good the juicer is.

When the kids are full, mosey over to the exercise equipment. Test-drive the Ab Lounger for two sets of 200 crunches. Who needs a health club and childcare costs? The kids are strapped into the cart, entertained by your workout, too young to be mortified.

Next, your cardio. Find an empty aisle. Make sure the coast is clear, push the cart as fast as you can, then let the cart pull you to a stop at the other end. Smooth slippery shoes are a must for this activity.

The automotive aisle usually gets you 20 laps before someone shows up. It will delight your kids and you'll get a leg workout.

All this exercise will tire you out so head for the furniture aisle. Find a comfortable couch and stretch out for a short nap. If anyone makes a comment, gesture toward your children and say you're just a mother trying to get a little rest. If people start to gather, tell them naps are a perk for elite executive members such as yourself.

After resting on it for several months, I ended up purchasing my favorite floor-model oversized ottoman for half price.

Next, head to Nugget Mall's Hearthside Books so the kids can play with the cool train set. This is your opportunity to engage in adult conversation, but you may need to get the ball rolling. Ask the staff for a book on some obscure topic like the cuisine of Eastern Bali. This is a chance for intellectual stimulation; don't let them get away.

When your child has had enough of the train set and starts tearing the place apart, treat yourself to a book and thank them for their time. Beat a hasty retreat.

Another free idea. Go to the dump for free hotdog day. This amounts to lunch, eagle viewing and a recycling field trip.

If the above ideas don't appeal, contact me, I've got a million of 'em.