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A modest proposal for educating our youth

Posted: January 24, 2012 - 1:02am

I was at the Juneau School District Budget Proposal meeting on Tuesday, and I am confused by the angry response to our governor. As a teacher I am grateful to our governor’s leadership in a time when corrupt politicians with lobbying ties are bankrupting schools across the country to move money into the pockets of multinationals.

Up til now, I was under the false impression that my job was to prepare students for an intellectual future in a profession of their choice. Thanks to Parnell’s firm stance on keeping 18 billion dollars in the pockets of oil companies he once lobbied for, I no longer need to teach the children as if they will be lawyers, doctors, teachers, computer scientists, or astronauts. I now know exactly what to teach: pipe welding.

Gone are the days of reading in my room. Gone are the days of writing and talking about history. Science? Who needs science? We have a wonderful understanding of science already in our culture. How many children can weld pipe?

We will need money for welding machines. Luckily for Alaska, the country has schools in dire need of books all over, and not one of those schools can afford new text books. This means we can sell our used textbooks to some of the districts who have not already purchased curriculum in intelligent design from Texas.

We could also do away with lunch. The GOP has continued to show why giving to the poor creates nothing but a sense of entitlement. The right has spoken clearly — hungry children in schools is not the problem of Republicans. Besides, it takes days to starve. Children need welding machines - not food!

My plan suggests a way to fund welding for elementary school children. We won’t be able to afford leathers to keep the children from being burned, and there won’t be nurses to deal with burns. But those kids will be able to weld.

I am left with one question though: If the GOP is correct, trickle-down-economics dictates that schools cannot go broke because the money of the rich magically pours into the pockets of the poor through funding from the rich. Maybe we should check the Adam Smith gauge to ensure it’s working. Where is that invisible hand anyways?

Adam Berkey

Juneau

(P.S. to my students: The object of this lesson was ‘satire.’ Look it up.)

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