The best ways to get rich quick(ish)

So you want to be a millionaire? You could take the advice of Benjamin Franklin: “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Old Ben knew a thing or two about the benefits of hard work, but what if you want to get rich without getting up early in the morning? There’s where the get-rich-quick schemes come in.

There are two main ways to get rich quick: convince someone else to give you a lot of money, or do something spectacular to earn it.

The time-honored way to get someone to give you money is to have a rich uncle who dies and leaves you everything in his will. A very chancy plan, in my opinion. If your uncles are solid members of the middle class, forget about it. If you are lucky enough to have a rich uncle, you still might not get his money. The will could be tied up in probate for years. Your cousins might have a better claim, or the suspicious circumstances surrounding your uncle’s untimely demise might work against you. If he’s an ornery individual, your uncle might even outlive you. Nothing quick about this method of getting rich.

Another way to receive a lot of money without working for it is to win the lottery. Call it Powerball or the high school football raffle; there are countless opportunities to test the hopefulness of human nature. Someone’s got to buy the winning ticket—it just might be you this time. Of course it never is, but there’s always the next time, right? I have been buying raffle tickets in this town for almost twenty years, and I have yet to win even so much as a trip up the tram. Forty-seventh time is the charm, right?

If you prefer not to pin your hopes on the lottery, you could plan on doing something spectacular to entice someone to give you money. If you have a unique skill such as slam-dunking while crocheting baby booties or singing opera underwater, you may have a pretty good chance of cashing in. For the rest of us with more ordinary talents, one way to make a lot of money is to create something wonderful that someone else will pay for. Really, all you have to do is think up something wonderful. What you need is an original idea, usually signaled by a brightly illuminated light bulb hovering over your head. When you see one of those, you know you’re in luck. Head straight for your local patent office, and wait for the manufacturers to come knocking on your door, checkbooks in hand.

If you’d rather create something spectacular, you could try writing. Take J.K. Rowling as your inspiration. As I work on my novel, I envision the completed book on the New York Times Bestsellers list, and mentally spend the seven-figure book contract I’ll land for the next installment in the series. Those imaginary millions go a long way to cheering me up when I have to get up in the morning to get to my day job.

Or, if you live in Alaska, you can search for gold. Here in Juneau, we know there really is gold in them thar hills—it’s just a question of finding it and getting it out. With the price of gold over $1600 per ounce, it kinda seems worth it to do some panning, or crush a little rock. My family collects quartz to pulverize in the driveway in our optimistic quest for gold. We haven’t found any yet, but we’re well on our way to renewing our gravel driveway, if nothing else.

If you do live in Alaska, the best way to get money for nothing is to continue living in Alaska. Collect your Permanent Fund Dividend every fall, and enjoy the benefits of free money.

And if all else fails, you always can work for a living. It’s not quick and you might not even get rich, but in the end you might rack up a million dollars over a lifetime of getting up early in the morning. Old Ben might have the right idea after all.


Mon, 02/27/2017 - 08:39

Communications scholarship open

Alaska Professional Communicators are offering two $1,000 scholarships for students planning a career in communications and majoring in any phase of public communications, including public relations, advertising, radio-television, video and print.

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Mon, 02/27/2017 - 08:39

Thank you from Big Brothers Big Sisters

Thanks to the City and Borough of Juneau tax revenue and the CBJ Activities Grant, five big and little matches in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program enjoyed an afternoon of free skating at the Treadwell Ice Arena!

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Mon, 02/27/2017 - 08:38

Thank you from the American Red Cross of Alaska

On Feb. 17, 2017 we celebrated our 100-year anniversary as the American Red Cross of Alaska. It was very important to us to kick-off the year in Juneau as the original Red Cross of Alaska Charter was in Juneau. We are so happy we did! We have so many people to thank for making the evening not only fun, but heart-warming as well. We first have to thank the volunteers that worked so hard. Thank you to Buddy Custard, board member extraordinaire, for all of your guidance, humor, and hard work. Thank you Teresa Maria Abella for asking Senator Egan to be our Honorary Chair, for plastering the town with posters, for your fundraising efforts, your excitement, your photography, and just in general for being such a blessing to the Red Cross team. Senator Egan and Jesse Keihl, what can we say? You were amazing and helpful and patient. I will miss our meetings and the laughter that always ensued. We would be very remiss if we did not thank Governor Walker for giving us your time and for sharing your Red Cross story. Your commitment and support are deeply appreciated and we were touched beyond measure by your decision to attend and speak at our celebration. Lt. Governor Mallott and Mrs. Mallott, thank you for attending and supporting our mission. You bring such a sense of calm and grace wherever you go, we are humbled that you shared that with us. Last, but most definitely not least, we must thank all of our volunteers. The American Red Cross is a volunteer-run organization with only 14 staff for the entire state of Alaska. We could not help the hundreds of Alaskans that we do without volunteers. Our volunteers are the ones that get up at 2 a.m. when we receive a call about a house fire. They leave their homes and families to help others if there is a large disaster either in Alaska or in some other part of the country. I have said it many times, and will continue to say it: Red Cross volunteers are the best in the world. They are selfless, kind, generous people who only want to help. For this celebration there are a few in particular we need to thank: Karen Petersen, Peter Chaille, June Johnson, Joyce Levine, Michelle Brown, Carolyn and Dan Garcia, Chip Wagoner, Rebecca Trude, Rick Janelle, Patricia and Kyle Lamson, Bob Bassett, and T Iputi! Thank you Juneau and Southeast Alaska for supporting the American Red Cross of Alaska’s first 100 years; we look forward to the next 100!

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Mon, 02/27/2017 - 08:38

Planetarium presents ‘Aurora’

The Marie Drake Planetarium will present “Aurora” at 6:30 p.m. Monday, followed by “The Sky Tonight” on the Spitz projector. The event is free and for all ages.

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