We live in a society where the skill of listening is too often replaced by reloading our vocabulary with ammunition to shoot down another person.
Throughout my ministry there was a sign prominently hung on my office wall that said, “A good listener is popular everywhere and after a while knows something.” Placing a priority on listening gives speaking credibility. Without good listening skills, ignorance prevails. Closed ears and open mouths can have very harmful and hurtful consequences.
Good listening is not based on agreement but upon dignity and respect. True listening involves accepting another person just as they are. Listening brings out humanity and hospitality. Our challenge is to always use both our gifts of listening and speaking wisely.
Harmful rhetoric is found everywhere. Political rhetoric has become so divisive and hurtful that we face a crisis of wisdom. Decisions that need to be made for the well-being of all are sacrificed for perceived political gain. Whenever politics boils down to a “selfie” rather than a selfless endeavor, our nation and its people suffer. Unfortunately, religious rhetoric often leads to condemnation. The focus on God’s love is lost as people seek their own definition of correctness. In so doing we fail to capture the essence of faith. Rather than focusing on our differences and divisions, why not focus on our God given abilities to seek common ground. Such issues as poverty, discrimination, shaming, sexuality, racial justice, immigration etc. need our dialogue, compassion, understanding and action. The divisive need to have things our way, at the expense of God’s way of inclusiveness leads to perpetual chaos and inaction.
Respectful, absorbing listening can get lost in the loud, shrill, bullying, strident, disgusting voices that demand our attention. Such behaviors do not resolve issues — they escalate them! Sometimes it seems easier and less exhausting to simply give in and give up. But we must not forget that loudness and rightness are frequently in conflict.
The lack of listening skills and the rush to judge and speak harshly is a problem with a long history. In fact the Bible deals with relationship problems, poor listening skills and division. Biblical writers give us helpful guidance. For example, 1 Peter 3:4 spoke of “the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in God’s sight.” In Acts 19:36, Paul reminds us “to be quiet and do nothing rash.” Word restraint is offered in Ecclesiastes 9:17, “The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouting of a ruler among fools!” Proverbs 29:11 puts it this way, “A fool gives full vent to anger but the wise quietly holds it back.” The quiet respectful voices and good listeners may frequently disagree, but through dialogue know something that can only be discovered when open minds and hearts exist. Growth is the result of dialogue.
The most influential voices in our lives are frequently the quiet voices who by their words and actions reveal good listening skills. When we have a problem we seek out the person who listens and speaks to us as one who cares and loves us. It’s the insightful voice that gets our attention. The thundering voice may grab our attention, but the gentle voice helps us weather life much better.
Frequently it’s not ear wax or hearing issues, but attitude problems that hinder our listening. So as we live and interact in our world, filled with words and actions that seem to threaten our very being, let us practice our listening skills, tone down our voices and remember that “A good listener is popular everywhere and after a while knows something!”
• Pastor Larry Rorem is a retired Evangelical Lutheran Church in America pastor living in Juneau.
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