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Outside editorial: Twinkie nation

Posted: January 18, 2012 - 1:01am

The following editorial appeared in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch on Friday, Jan. 13:

As comic relief in the classic Bruce Willis movie “Die Hard,” a beleaguered Bruce, fighting off terrorists in a high-rise building, finds an ancient but still edible Twinkie. He reaches out by radio to Twinkie-addicted police Sgt. Al Powell (portrayed by Reginald Vel Johnson) and asks what’s in a Twinkie.

“Sugar, enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60 and yellow dye No. 5,” Al replies. “Everything a growing boy needs.”

Well, yes. But as America has learned since Hostess Brands — bakers of Twinkies, Ho-Hos, Drake’s Cakes, Ding-Dongs, Wonder Bread and dozens of other delicious delights — filed for bankruptcy protection on Wednesday, the entire American economy is inside a Twinkie, slathered in a mysterious cream-like filling.

The predecessor firm, Interstate Bakeries of Kansas City, grew by gobbling up smaller firms (goodbye, mom and pop shops) and big competitors, too (goodbye, Continental Baking, a unit of Ralston-Purina of sainted memory).

Overextended, Interstate operated in bankruptcy between 2004 and 2009, emerging after Ripplewood Holdings, a private equity firm (hello, venture vs. vulture capitalist controversy) took over and renamed it Hostess.

The reorganization wasn’t enough. Hostess now says it is weighed down by rising commodity and transportation costs (hello, worldwide demand and rising fuel costs) and legacy pension and health care benefits owed to its union retirees (goodbye, vanishing middle class). Hostess faces aggressive international competition from Mexico’s Grupo Bimbo (hello, globalization).

And then there’s the sad but true fact that Hostess makes a lot of stuff that makes nutritionists blanch. A couple of Twinkies or Sno Balls washed down by a Mountain Dew might get you through the night, but it is not conducive to a healthy diet (hello, Michelle Obama).

Even good old “builds strong bodies 12 ways” Wonder Bread is in decline. Thirty-three percent fewer Americans are eating white bread at home than did in 2000. Blame the fiber lobby.

The company and its unions say they are in good-faith negotiations about pension changes, but clearly some reductions are coming and some jobs will be lost. But the unions want investors, creditors and other stakeholders to share the burden. If the bankruptcy court allows the company to dump its pension obligations, the government’s Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. would be on the hook (hello, deficits).

Blame unions? Blame poor business decisions and overleveraged investors? Blame ourselves? If we’d all been like Sgt. Powell, this wouldn’t have happened.

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Latitude58
14399
Points
Latitude58 01/18/12 - 09:17 am
0
0

No loss

If Hostess disappears off the planet, no one is the worse for it. Take Phillip Morris and Coca Cola with you.

joegeldhof
78
Points
joegeldhof 01/18/12 - 09:44 am
0
0

Lats

Now, now--have you no compassion for an American icon?

Persnickety Persimmon
4173
Points
Persnickety Persimmon 01/18/12 - 11:51 am
0
0

I think if you have

I think if you have compassion for inanimate things or abstract concepts, you have some issues...

skirkz
6681
Points
skirkz 01/18/12 - 12:13 pm
0
0

Zombieland

Zombie killer Woody Harrelson's quest for the last Twinkie on Earth may soon be realized. Too bad about Ding-Dongs.

joegeldhof
78
Points
joegeldhof 01/18/12 - 12:57 pm
0
0

Don't

Forget about Ho-Ho's.

J. E. Fume
4989
Points
J. E. Fume 01/18/12 - 01:41 pm
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0

The world is in a state of

The world is in a state of flux and a company wants to reorganize in an attempt to dump some financial obligations that it deems harmful to the bottom line. However, twinkie lovers should fear not. As long as there are people out there willing to pay for twinkies and assorted other garbage food, somebody will provide it.
After all, a twinkie by any other name is still a twinkie.

Banditrider
633
Points
Banditrider 01/18/12 - 01:58 pm
0
0

Cautionary tale

This is a cautionary tale. The woes here mirror that of the US, and that of the Juneau School Dist., except for the part about competition from Grupo Bimbo. Maybe Grupo Bimbo could run our schools.

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