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Page Two, Brute?

Posted: December 14, 2011 - 1:05am
The Juneau Douglas Ice Association's Mite hockey players skate around a goalie's net to warm up for a quick scrimmage between periods of the JDHS Crimson Bears game against North Pole recently. The youth skaters are special attractions to many of the home high school games.  Klas STolpe / Juneau Empire
Klas STolpe / Juneau Empire
The Juneau Douglas Ice Association's Mite hockey players skate around a goalie's net to warm up for a quick scrimmage between periods of the JDHS Crimson Bears game against North Pole recently. The youth skaters are special attractions to many of the home high school games.

So it isn’t exactly William Shakespeare’s quote word for word, but as I stumble wounded through the halls of athletics and sports, and look back at the faceless crowds to see the pointed barbs dripping with the red ink of those I serve, I speak these words:

“Page Two”.

It seems I am not being clear on sports times or happenings in our fair city.

Page 2 is the place we try to get our ducks, err, Crimson Bears, Falcons, Mighty Mites and other teams, in a row.

It is a nice page.

To be honest, I never used to check in on page 2’s or their counterparts in various publications. I was only interested in big colorful photos! And giant headlines!

And a paper that fit comfortably on the exercise machine at the local club!

Page 2 grows on you.

Why, way off to the right are those NFL and NHL standings and room for briefs, and our own city league standings (if they are sent on a timely basis… sorry, that was my own dagger to throw out there).

To the left are Around Town and On TV. If you take a peak inside right now you will see some events and times, go ahead, I will wait right here on the front page column…

You back?

Did you see that there is a ton, um, gaggle, um, a support (as in athletic supporter?) of events? Okay there are multiple sporting events to attend and to watch.

And then there is the sport version of the automotive ideologists Tom and Ray Magliozzi (click and clack, the Tappet Brothers of radio fame):

The Glantz Culver Report (trumpet sounds here).

I do not know who Keith Glantz or Russell Culver are, or why their tiny little points and half points are in such demand by sports betting enthusiasts the world over, but they work with numbers and that is impressive. You do remember I cannot balance a checkbook? Yes?

Mr. Glantz and Mr. Culver are these presidents of odds consulting companies that serve many of the largest licensed sportsbooks in the world. To me, they were one of the hardest nightmares of this new job to figure out.

“Bless you Keith Haskell, where ever you are!”

I have always wanted to thank our former Juneau Empire do-it-all Mr. Haskell publically for the patience and diet Mountain Dew’s, he gave while showing me the ropes, or as he said, “wrapping them around your neck if you don’t get this down.”

Page 2 also has those professional sports capsules and a nice photo, which are kind of fun to quickly browse.

One thing I do want on Page 2 is a sports cartoon.

I have invested good money in a certain television university that swore my stick-figure attempt to replicate their detailed dog head was “spot”-on. They are still telling me so. Every week.

My significant others say my work looks like stick figures wrestling stick figures in a stick jungle.

“You mean you don’t see Jerry West dribbling the ball,” I say. “You don’t see the great Walter Payton running through clouds into a large dish of cherry flavored ice cream?”

Nope. They see sticks.

Page 2 is so popular with content we had to move Sports in Juneau to another page. That “another page” is a good page to find sometimes.

Yes, I know, I jumped you from B1 just now to B3 and titled the heading Page2

I hope you have noticed the Southeast Sports Roundup in yesterday’s paper. It sat nicely on Page 3 (this page).

It closely resembles today’s SESR just below us. Today’s SESR was done because of late information received.

It would be nice if this becomes a weekly wrap up of local southeast sports results. It depends a lot on athletic directors, principals, coaches and you, wherever you or they are out there.

The more that interests you, and the more I am told about, then the more the Page 2s and 3s of this world live on against the tyranny of the front page! I see a world where all Page 2 and 3s are created equal! A world where all Page 2s and 3s can stand up and be noted!

I think if Julius Caesar’s birth announcement of July 12, 100 B.C. would have been on a Page 2, or his weeping in front of the statue of Alexander the Great in 63 BC when he realized that Alexander had conquered most of the known world’s Page 2s, and at the same age Casar now was… I think then people would have been more compassionate.

Suggestions work better than assassinations.

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