I have no April Fools attempts this sports season.
I could have tried to persuade you that Juneau legislalative bodies had just found the funding to buy the Seattle Mariners and move them to a new dome stadium built next to Eaglecrest.
I could have worked in some news about the Coast Guard building a massive floating sheet of ice that would serve as both, A: a practice field for the new icebreaking fleet; and B, a sanctuary for polar bears, sea otters and retired admirals.
I could have broken news about Senator Albert Kookesh declaring a run for the presidency on the Gold Medal platform… I still might. I like that notion actually.
I could have talked at length about the Discovery Channel chasing a Big Foot on Prince of Wales Island. Unfortunately they actually shot a segment there and interviewed residents that basically saw one in a tree, saw one howling at them five feet away, and just avoided being pushed off the road by one. And that is honestly not an April Fools!
I could have passed on a bit of information I received, via email, from the supposed Iditarod Trail Committee stating that the organizing committee of the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race announced the formation of the Iditarod Trail Wildcat Adventure Race:
“A companion race that will be run on a portion of the same historic trail made famous by their sled dog counterparts…”
The information goes on to say that “domesticated wildcat racing is a combination of hiking, mountaineering, orienteering, and raw survival skills involving teams of four domesticated wildcats and one human guide…
The info says, “the sport is believed to have its roots in India, Nepal, and other parts of the Himalayas and is growing in popularity in Quebec, Ontario, and Eastern Canada.”
I became suspect about the email when it made no mention of beer. Anything popular in Canada has something to do with beer.
And none of my local running battalion of adventurous mountain extremists had signed on to do it so I knew something was fishy.
So actually… I really don’t have anything to lie about today.
Except that Mike Tyson is skiing Eaglecrest with a Bengal Tiger on a leash.
Don’t believe me?
Go check it out for yourself. Discovery Channel is up there right now.
They will tell you that Bengal Tigers are excellent and strong swimmers, enjoy lying in rivers, lakes and ponds and have been known to hunt and kill in the water.
Believe me or not.