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Random evidence of a cluttered mind

Posted: December 3, 2012 - 1:03am

In the wake of the Marlins’ recent controversial salary-dump trade, a Miami Herald-commissioned survey of 400 self-described Marlins fans found club owner Jeffrey Loria to be only slightly more popular in South Florida than hated Cuban diablo Fidel Castro.

I found that shocking.

Not that Loria would be proven so unpopular - but rather that there were still 400 people left calling themselves Marlins fans!

A poll in my own blog found that fans advocating a boycott of the team because of Loria outnumbered by nearly a 5-1 margin those fans who will continue to support the Marlins.

Meantime, the NBA’s Phoenix Suns this week will have a “Satisfaction Guaranteed Night,” in which fans who say they did not have fun get their money back. It was immediately voted the Promotion Least Likely To Be Adopted By The Marlins.

- In other Miami-related news, the Alabama Crimson Tide led by coach Nick Saban beat Georgia to reach the Jan. 7 BCS National Championship Game in Miami against Notre Dame. Saban, of course, is despised by many locals for the way he left the Dolphins for Alabama after swearing he wouldn’t.

The good news: Saban back in town would now qualify as no worse than a distant third as most unpopular man in Miami.

- The Bears’ Brandon Marshall said some NFL players use Viagra to boost their performance in games. Hmm. I think I need to start paying more attention to what the heck is going on inside those pileups!

- A “60 Minutes” profile of Packers QB Aaron Rodgers portrayed him as overly sensitive. Rodgers complained he thought the piece did not do him justice, thus proving its point.

- Little-used Dolphins safety Jonathon Amaya faces a misdemeanor charge for allegedly grabbing a cab driver by the neck. Will check the stats, but I think that could be Amaya’s first tackle of the season.

- Discouraged Jets superfan “Fireman Ed” has retired. Now they need a replacement. If only there was someone not doing much of anything else, maybe like a backup QB who never plays? Fireman Tim!

- Random Evidence is pleased to be back after spending last Sunday at the Snide Institute, where we earned three credits in advanced mockery toward our master’s degree in Modern Pasquinade.

- The six-man Miami Tennis Cup, billed as “Andy Roddick’s Farewell to South Florida,” ends Sunday in Key Biscayne. Geez, you just retired, Andy. We haven’t even had time to miss you yet!

- Sunday marks Day 78 of the never-ending NHL lockout threatening the entire hockey season. It has become axiomatic that as the days grow, interest wanes. See you next year, fools.

- LeBron James revealed he played last week’s $570 million Powerball. You want to be despised nationally even more than you were two summers ago, LeBron? Win the lottery. Yeah because what man can subsist on a mere $55 million in annual salary and endorsements?

- Odds of hitting the Powerball were 175-million-to-1. That reminds me. Steroids-era guys Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa are on the 2013 Hall of Fame ballot for the first time.

- Can you imagine 175-million-to-1 odds? The only worse odds I can think of? Probably Giancarlo Stanton signing a contract extension with the Marlins.

- The Rays extended Evan Longoria’s contract, the Braves signed top free agent B. J. Upton, and the Mets re-signed David Wright long-term. Dear Jeffrey Loria: This is what real teams do. They put on their big-boy pants and compete.

- NCAA is threatening ex-Canes to testify in the Nevin Shapiro case or risk allegations against them being believed. Sure, because this is America! Haven’t you ever heard of “guilty until proven innocent”?

- College football’s conference carousel is dizzying. Everybody is switching leagues. Now FAU is following FIU from the Sun Belt to Conference USA. Did Conference USA lose a bet or something?

- Yankee Derek Jeter has noticeably gained weight, and the New York Post ran a photo with the headline, “DEREK EATER!” Don’t you get the feeling they’ve waited 15 years for a chance to use that?

- Answer: Basketball player Jack Taylor of Division III Grinnell (Iowa) College scored 138 points in his team’s 75-point victory. Question: What makes you say sportsmanship is dead?

- Celtics guard Rajon Rondo was suspended two games for an altercation in a game against the Brooklyn Nets. Rondo leads the NBA in assists-to-punk ratio.

- Golf is moving toward banning long belly putters. I’d prefer it if golf would move toward banning me three-putting with a regular blade.

- NASCAR fans are still talking about Brad Keselowski winning the season title in the finale at Homestead. Actually they’re still yelling about it, because their hearing hasn’t come back yet.

- The Los Angeles Galaxy and Houston Dynamo met Saturday in the Major League Soccer championship game. Galaxy star David Beckham announced he is leaving MLS; however, the league still has plenty of other stars whose names I must make a note to look up.

Parting thought: Miami football coach Al Golden held a season-ending news conference and voiced strong support for his defensive coordinator, Mark D’Onofrio. No, seriously.

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