I have had it!

No more!

I am making some changes in my lifestyle, baby.

Things are going to be different from here on out.

I am making some New Year’s Resolutions and by God (and Nike), I am sticking to them.

First of all, see those two dudes running over to the right of this column?

I resolve to be more like them!

I am going to train daily ... okay, every other day ... all right, at least weekly.

I will train weekly ... well, work out... okay, exercise.

I am going to exercise weekly.

Wait a minute.

The last time I told my athletic guru I wanted to work out daily it was misunderstood as I wanted my workout to be a day in duration. Weekly would kill me, and I have the peers who like to go out for weeklies.

Let me think about this exercise thing.

Hmmm, weight of camera, hardness of gym floor, lack of direct outdoor light. I guess that could be considered a wee bit of exercise.

I resolve that I will don apparel that is considered actual sport-specific by my peers, be it mono-filled-fiber something-or-other or good-old wool baggy socks.

No more of my peers saying I wear old school, stylish hand-me-downs mixed with Swedish goodwill trapper bargains.

Okay, I resolve that at least one article of clothing will be sport-specific — and it could be a sock — for the particular thingy-doohickey I am attempting to lift, climb onto or strap into for a duration substantially less than a day.

I resolve to actually wash my eating utensils and my athletic essentials in SEPARATE loads, err, sinks ... metals, aluminum and glass in one; aforementioned woolens, fibers and trapper wear in another.

No more using the scenty lemons of Ivory as a clothes softener.

No more standing wearable clothes in the corner while they await cleansing, either. If clothes can’t walk to the bath, they will be escorted.

Wait, I resolve that wearing clothes in the shower is appropriate if I am attempting cleaning.

I resolve to quit calling JDHS junior Adam Empson a “senior,” and for that matter all high school athletes will have correct classifications ... well, the juniors will ... okay, Adam Empson will be classified correctly.

I resolve to no longer spell TMHS junior Siosi TUPOU’s name wrong, even if her shooting shirt says differently. Wait, did I just misspell it again? Can I buy another vowel?

I resolve to give up junk food.

Since one man’s junk is another man’s treasure, I am still doing some scientific and gastronomic experiments and investigations into a large portion of my pantry, refrigerator and freezer.

I have already determined that I am not mature enough to use the fresh meat hanging racks near the outhouse and the Lutefisk pit near the septic tank ... making progress.

So basically I need to figure out if a vending machine counts as a whole food in my chart or as individual portions.

I resolve to abolish the act of reappropriating my adventure buddies’ empty energy gel packets as containers for my own concoctions of peanut butter, jelly and ketchup.

Wait, wait: ketchup is okay, I grant myself a ketchup waiver. Over-sweetened red veggie paste?!!! Are you kidding me?!!! Who would not want that pulled from their hikers’ fanny pack while 20 miles along a goat ridge?

I resolve to not use the term “fanny pack” ever again.

Oh, DRAT! Failed that one already.

I resolve to not make unrealistic resolutions.

Things like washing and eating, for instance. Those will take time.

Sooooooooo, I resolve to make some changes in my lifestyle:

Wool socks one day, long johns the next.

Happy New Year!


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Holt helps Thunder Mountain to first place at Sitka Invitational

The Thunder Mountain High School boys swim team finished in first place at Friday’s Sitka Invitational at Blatchley Pool in Sitka.

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