Pure Sole: Getting Zombified

We have all been there…

Those days when you wake up feeling so crappy that you walk around moaning and dragging your feet, arms extended outward, as you beg for some type of nourishment.

In my day that was called a hangover, or just a really bad day.

Now it has become a seasonal disorder and it is that time of the season again.

If you are not absolutely craving human companionship right now you may be okay.

But if you do have a desire for overly amorous bonding, then you may be one of them.

They are our bosses, our teachers, our students and our family members.

They are in the highest levels of our Legislature and the darkest corner of our hallways.

They lurk around every corner.

They prowl in the bushes and loiter in the alleys.

It has been called an apocalypse, a war, a nation and a scourge.

Clad in suits or summer wardrobes that are tattered with the rambunctious days of summer, stained with the bodily perspirations of glorious feastings among long, endless outings, and outfitted with the taste for their missed humanity… these are the Fall days that one begins seeing the walking dead.

Yes… the budget zombies are back among us.

Beware.

A nip or bite or splash of fluid can leave the unaware “zombified.”

On Sunday, the plague spread throughout Juneau and festered upon Douglas’ Sandy Beach where the latest gathering of the infected searched the Treadwell Mines Trails for the taste of human brains.

Unnerving as the cadaverous spectacle was, residents did their best to fend off the hungry, harvesting horde of the undead.

Every avenue for resolution was tested.

Music prompted a Michael Jackson “Thriller” dance but the living dead persevered.

Attempts to lure the infected to a dizzying path of trails only resulted in a number of citizens becoming lost.

A list of the unaccounted and the time of their supposed reappearance as breathless and lifeless corpses was posted near a safety shelter on the beach.

If you are missing loved ones, I have posted the results of Sunday’s 4th Annual Zombie Run 5K below. A slideshow of the infected can be viewed online at juneauempire.com.

Unfortunately, another 130 brave, but naïve, souls attempted a 1-mile excursion into the fray and their whereabouts are still unknown.

Please be wary.

This foray into the battle against the zombification of our town is far from over.

Roughly $3,179 was raised for the Harborview Elementary Triathlon Club to stay alive.

Much more is needed across all the districts.

Our high school sports teams, our club sports, our middle school sports, our school activities, and those who lead them… they all have been hit with some form of this budgetary zombification.

Businesses are shuttering their windows and locking their doors.

The slow festering of decay is among us.

Save yourselves!

 

ZOMBIE RUN 5K

RESULTS

(OR, THE LIST OF

THE MISSING):

 

1. DAREA BOOTON 18:55:00

2. DAVID PHILLIPS 18:59:00

3. HIRAM HENRY 20:02:00

4. JOHAN BROWN 21:23:00

5. REED STOOPS 22:17:00

6. TIAS CARNEY 22:18:00

7. KIM CAMPBEL 22:19:00

8. AUBREY HEKKERS 22:20:00

9. ANNIKA SCHWARTZ 22:38:00

10. MAISY MORLEY 22:41:00

11. JOHN WRIGHT 22:42:00

12. JEFF GNASS 22:46:00

13. ANNA IVERSON 22:52:00

14. BECKY BOHRER 22:53:00

15. LIZ BROOKS 23:13:00

16. SOPHIA HARVEY 23:16:00

17. COLTON JOHNS 23:17:00

18. ELI CRUPI 23:46:00

19. STEPHANIE HARVEY 24:15:00

20. ERIN WALLACE 25:21:00

21. JOSHUA JACKSON 25:27:00

22. SARAH JACKSON 25:29:00

23. LESLIE MUECA 25:32:00

24. SHANNON CABRERO 25:33:00

25. JONAH PENROSE 25:34:00

26. JO LOHMYER 25:39:00

27. GUY CROCKOFT 25:48:00

28. ADELAIDE JOHNSON 25:49:00

29. BRIAN MCTAGUE 26:08:00

30. TAMALA BOOTON 26:29:00

31. CEDAR FOWLER-CROTEAU 26:34:00

32. MEREDITH WALLIS 26:34:00

33. MICAELA FOWLER 26:35:00

34. CARMEN FARR 26:36:00

35. JACK WHITE 26:36:00

36. ARNE ELLEFSON-CARRES 26:37:00

37. KURT IVERSON 26:38:00

38. NICK IVERSON 26:48:00

39. MADELINE HANDLEY 26:52:00

40. RYAN STORY 26:53:00

41. ELLEN STORY 26:53:00

42. DONOVAN BELL 26:54:00

43. CHERITH WHITEMAN 27:04:00

44. JENNA WIERSMA 27:09:00

45. JORDAN HALL 27:11:00

46. SUSIE FRENZEL 27:18:00

47. ADRIENNE ANTONI 27:23:00

48. CAYMAN JARDELL 27:25:00

49. SERENA CRUPI 27:39:00

50. RILEY DUNCAN 27:43:00

51. WILL ROBINSON 27:44:00

52. MADDIE BASS 27:50:00

53. TREVOR RICHARDS 27:51:00

54. EDWARD HU 27:52:00

55. RUCHI HAIGHT 27:54:00

56. MOLLY BROCIOUS 27:58:00

57. SARAH BRISTEN 27:59:00

58. K MCDONALD 27:59:00

59. J MCDONALD 28:12:00

60. GRETCHYN ODONNELL 28:12:00

61. SHAWN JACKSON 28:15:00

62. ALISHA FALBERG 28:33:00

63. STEIN DOSTAL 28:38:00

64. DENALI SCHIJVENS 28:39:00

65. KEEJAN CLANCEY 28:40:00

66. CALVIN KNAPP 28:48:00

67. LOGAN FELLMAN 28:51:00

68. JASON FELLMAN 28:57:00

69. LIAM HAGGERTY 29:02:00

70. LIAM PENN 29:02:00

71. ROBERT GABEL 29:55:00

72. KYSON BIGELOW 29:59:00

73. MOLLY HILLIS 30:00:00

74. JOANN RIESELBACH 30:13:00

75. TYLER WILLIAMS 30:14:00

76. KAEDER QUINTO 30:16:00

77. KIERAN TAGSIP 30:17:00

78. ALDER COUETTE 30:19:00

79. REBECCA BRAUN 30:20:00

80. JEAGER DOSTAL 30:21:00

81. CADEN JOHNS 30:23:00

82. JODY LEVERNIER 30:27:00

83. MINTA SCHWARTZ 30:28:00

84. ANDRE PEROVI 30:29:00

85. MARTIN HOLST 30:32:00

86. PAYTON GRANT 30:40:00

87. AIDAN FRENZEL 30:53:00

88. JIM FENTON 30:56:00

89. BRIAN LAURENT 30:58:00

90. ELIJAH JARRETT 31:01:00

91. SARA GARCIA 31:05:00

92. NIKOLAS DANIELS 31:35:00

93. GINNY ECKERT 31:46:00

94. BRENTON DURYEN 31:53:00

95. CARL BRODERSEN 31:54:00

96. TRICIA HARDY 32:12:00

97. CHRISTOPHER WON 32:16:00

98. THERESA REYNOLDS 32:26:00

99. GABI GRIGGS 32:28:00

100. GRETCHEN NEAL 32:37:00

101. CASEY KNAPP 32:38:00

102. ELI HARVEY 32:53:00

103. LOGAN HARVEY 32:58:00

104. RACHEL LARSON 32:58:00

105. ELLEN CARRLEE 32:59:00

106. CARSON CARRLEE 33:12:00

107. HENRY WAXENFLTER 33:12:00

108. BETH MCKIBBEN 33:23:00

109. MOLLY MCCORMICK 33:26:00

110. ZAYDEN SCHIJVENS 33:46:00

111. COLE JENSEN 36:03:00

112. JUSTINE BISHOP 37:07:00

113. SIENNA FARR 37:25:00

114. DENISE KOCH 37:26:00

115. KARINNE WIEBOLD 37:42:00

116. SHELI DELANEY 37:50:00

117. DANA RICHARDS 38:25:00

118. EVELYN RICHARDS 39:49:00

119. MAX WILSON 39:50:00

120. MICHAEL JOZWIAK 40:33:00

121. KELTON GRIFFITH 40:57:00

122. SOONY MONSEF 40:58:00

123. ARVID BUSH 41:20:00

124. MINDY ZHOU 42:08:00

125. SHAY WILSON 42:13:00

126. TRISTAN OLIVIA 43:26:00

127. ANDY RAMIREZ 43:29:00

128. SKYLAR OLIVIA 43:39:00

129. PARKER BOMAN 46:19:00

130. ANNA HAGGERTY 46:20:00

131. LINDA KRUGER 49:20:00

132. JULIA FELIX 50:19:00

133. GEORGIA CANTON 50:20:00

134. AARON MEYER 50:21:00