I am pleased to inform Publisher Don Smith that he has made me and a lot of people I know very happy. Thank you very much for the several days of tranquility since your last Publishorial. I have been delighted to open the editorial page of the Empire over the past week to find I have been spared yet another hyperbolic attack on public officials who I have voted for and hold in high regard. Thank you so much for your restraint, even though I agree with you that facts shouldn't get in the way.
For over a week now, I've experienced the sort of peace of mind that can only come when my friends and neighbors are not being trashed and brow-beaten for being at odds with your ideology. I thank you so much for this period of respite, however brief. And thank you to pieces for not sharing your latest conspiracy theory regarding environmental extremists. Clearly, anyone who is not in support of each and every development scheme in our community and state must fall into that category. I agree that it's laughable to consider that people could actually give a hoot about motivations other than profit. I mean, get real.
OK, I will admit that I've had fleeting thoughts of wilderness for wilderness sake, but I'm trying to be a better person. As part of my 12-step program, I've stopped composting my vegetable scraps entirely. I'm also trying to overcome other weaknesses in my value system. What could be more unpatriotic than assuming the public should have input on a law with a forbidding title like the USA Patriot Act? I rue the day that self-serving thought entered my head.
Thank you so much for not rubbing my face in my pathetic values, despite your uncanny ability to see through my superficial motives, and those of my ilk.
But most of all, thank you for allowing me to go an entire week without feeling the need to debate whether to cancel my Juneau Empire subscription. It's been an absolute joy to experience the feeling, however fleeting, that our hometown newspaper is here to serve us all, encouraging constructive dialogue, and bringing us all together as a community as it were. Thank you for your actions, Mr. Publisher. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping your mouth shut.