Bad hemingways land rotten lunkers

Three tales to make the dirt move

Posted: Sunday, May 07, 2006

For a long time now I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can. - Ernest Hemingway.

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And then there were Papa's bad days. Those were the days when, it seems, he swilled Long Island iced teas in a Douglas bar, cursing the effete fly-fishers of the world and remembering the French quarter of Paris ... with ... its ... sarcastic breasts.

Well, read on and you'll see. The Juneau Empire dared Southeast Alaska to get tight and take a stab at some bull, in a mock-Hemingway contest to glorify spring and the return of salmon season. The bell tolled for 28 guerillas, and the Empire's cracked team of judges deemed the following three bad to the groan.

The Empire apologizes in advance, and reminds readers of another pearl of Hemingway wisdom: "All things truly wicked start from an innocence."

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