The new Declaration of Independence

Letter to the editor

Posted: Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I believe that, after reading Mr. Doug Cooper's and Mr. Marcelino Lee Bagoyo's letters to the editor, they would appreciate this new and "improved" version of the Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all heterosexual men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable, heterosexual Rights that homosexuals must not receive, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (as long as they pursue a conventional happiness that is supported by the majority). That to secure these heterosexual rights, conservative Governments are instituted among straight Men, deriving their just and self-righteous power from the consent of the homophobic governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends or attempts to become liberal and support the rights of the minority, it is the Right of the heterosexual People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new straight-people-friendly Government, laying its foundation on such dominant majority, traditionally accepted principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect all Safety, and Happiness.

This new and "improved" Declaration of Independence would eliminate all gay men and women, or any minority for that matter, from the national holiday which celebrates our freedom and independence from tyrannical rulers, the Fourth of July. Because, after all, isn't that what the Fourth of July is all about? Oppressing the minority and not allowing them to partake in the commemoration of our freedom, because obviously it's only for a select few.

Callan Janowiec


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