Science, religion both have it wrong

Letter to the editor

Posted: Thursday, July 21, 2005

I have been following the evolution debate in these pages and have learned many interesting things. It came as news to me that science has to be demonstrable, replicable, and observable with the naked senses (which leads one to wonder just what those nasty scientists are wearing under those lab coats). Obviously, under these criteria, mountains don't rise and fall, black holes don't exist, and there's no such thing as gravity.

Pondering intelligent design brings up fascinating questions, like, "What's this appendix for, then?" and "If I'm created in the image of my creator, is He near-sighted with lower back pain, too?"

It was a terrible idea to come down out of the trees in the first place, and we only compounded the mistake by standing upright, but what's done is done. I say let eons be eons.

Science is based on change, which they like to call progress, and religion is based on things that don't change, which they like to call eternal truth. Religion looks on science and sees chaos, science looks on religion and sees dogma.

Of course, they're both wrong.

As A. Frank Fausttum and Auk "Muffs" Rattan, while working as landscapers at the Santa Fe Institute during the day and sneaking in to run experiments after hours, have conclusively proven, the entire universe, from the elaborate biodiversity of Earth to the intricate interstellar spectacle of the heavens, from the first man on the moon to the last fake fossil inserted into the fossil record, from the primordial soup to contemporary nuts, is all a highly sophisticated computer simulation created by the inhabitants of Rectilon-6 to see if they could produce a single instance of that most paradoxical of sentient beings, the Cubs fan.

The program, Fausttum and Rattan are understandably aggrieved to report, has not been a success and funding is being terminated, but we should cling to hope: There are rumors that we'll be brought back as a video game.

Michael Christenson


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