As president emeritus and founding father of the National Idiots and Buffoon Association (NIBA), it has come to my attention that the editorial staff of the Juneau Empire now qualifies for full membership in this elite organization. Their unabashed endorsement of a second Valley high school in the Oct. 3, 2004 Empire, cleared the way for this historic event.
By limiting their analysis to the congestion in the hallways rather than focusing on what's happening in the classroom, the editorial staff made it clear that they do not understand what's broken in the Juneau School District or how to fix it. Since there was no mention of how a second high school would lower truancy and absenteeism, advance literacy, reduce an escalating dropout rate, improve exit exam scores and increase the involvement of parents whose children are at risk of failing, the editors neatly sidestepped these core issues. It is this kind of faulty, disjointed thinking that rocketed these editors to the top of NIBA's extensive list of prospective members.
We also admire the fact the editorial staff totally ignored the ratio of adults to students in the classroom and instead basked in the glory of spending millions on bricks and mortar projects. This shortsighted, superficial conclusion is exactly what we are looking for in the NIBA. In addition, we take great pride in knowing that the newspaper's editorial staff shares the convoluted motto of our organization: 70 percent of nothing is worth more than you think.
The directors of our association hint they will soon expand the membership to include carefully selected individuals from the Assembly. In fact, there are so many prospective new members, we propose establishing a Southeast Alaska Chapter of NIBA right here in Juneau. If these applications are received before our Dec. 31, 2004 deadline, the annual $51.00 membership fee will be waived. Those coveted NIBA lapel pins are in the mail to the Empire editorial staff, so wear them proudly and congratulations!
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