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A few weeks back, I saw several hook-and-ladders at the airport, shooting hundreds of gallons of water into the air. At the time, I had no idea whether it was an actual fire or a Homeland Security drill or what, but I have since received classified information that is my duty to share with you.
The previous administration installed fog machines under the runways at the airport. This now is clear. They made a deal with the incoming administration to form an emergency legislature in Anchorage after the upcoming session is fogged out of Juneau. In exchange, certain highly placed persons will serve as pro-tem leaders.
Frustrated at being voted down by the voters six times, this shadow government plans to seize control of the Legislature on the flimsiest of meteorological pretexts, and the end run around the democratic process will be complete.
Remember, the word "North America" itself comes from the French "Nous aimons" (We love) plus RICO (The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act); in other words, "We love conspiracies."