Where's the love?

Posted: Thursday, December 16, 2004

Got a problem with your love life? Ask LaRue for advice at asklarue@hotmail.com

Dear LaRue,

I have been dating this guy for a few months. We get along really well. He's really smart and he makes me laugh. He's already asked me to be his date on New Year's Eve and wants to take a trip with me. The problem is, we haven't even so much as held hands. We've done nothing physically. Our last date went fine, we talked for too long and missed the movie we were going to see. So we went back to his place with a bottle of wine (clearly something should have happened by now) and watched "The Day After Tomorrow." Not once did he even try to hold my hand. Nothing. Nada. I think I'm starting to get pissed. I was showing cleavage for heaven's sake!

That was Friday and by Sunday I still haven't heard from him. What should I do?

- Frisky and flummoxed

OK, first, you must chill. Not hearing from him in a day and a half is not a situation. It is possible he had work or had personal things to attend to. If he hasn't called by week's end, lose his phone number and dust his dirt off your boots.

But, I think you can relax. From what you said, this guy sounds genuinely interested. Though boys may seem dense, secretly they understand the import of holiday dates. And to pull out the mamma of 'em all, New Year's Eve, several weeks in advance no less, he so digs you.

Further, he wants to go on a trip with you. You don't ask someone whose company you don't enjoy, to travel with you. To a movie, maybe. Traveling, NO!

Now as for the lack of physical contact, is it possible this guy was trying to be a gentleman? Or waiting for the right romantic moment because he sees potential and doesn't want to screw it up?

Boys often bear the heavy burden of making the first move. On the one hand, he doesn't want to paw you like a starving animal and risk you thinking he's a letch. (He may want to, but if he thinks you are more than a one-night wonder, he won't) On the other hand, there is pressure to make the move in the small window of time afforded before you become his "woman-friend."

My advice to you is to be bold. We can sit here and ponder his every move 'til we're old and he's moved on and you'll still never know what his motives were. Or you can make him put is money where your mouth is, so to speak.

Be straight with him. The lovin's something you want, so get it or move on.

You could try what I did with a boy once. He didn't kiss me by the second date. I looked him dead in the eye, figured I had nothing to lose and said, "So are we gonna make out or what?" True story. He laughed, looked mighty relieved and then we made out like frisky kittens! Course I never called him again, but he admired my take charge approach.

However, if that approach makes you squirm a little, try one a bit more subtle. I don't generally like subtle because it leaves too much room for the boy to interpret on his own what I'm thinking. Next thing you know he's re-grouting my shower or something. But sometimes it works.

Hint at making a move. Lean in close, use body language, and by all means keep the cleavage! Touch his arm or leg (even better) when you're talking a lot. You need to let him know you are interested. Consider saying things like: "I really like hanging out with you," or "I have so much fun with you."

It inevitably forces the awkward pause, which in turn forces the "one of us has to kiss now or go home" moment. Then voila! You will know one way or the other what you've got.

It's scary to ask that question, I know. Because you're question really isn't why hasn't he been affectionate, it's does he like me, and that's a hard question to ask. It sounds like you need peace of mind, and as hard as it is to do what it takes to get it, it's worth it to have it, and you are the only one that can get it.

From what you said, you are not going to lose him. I will go out on a limb to say he's not going to reject you if you snuggle in for the kill.

Make the move. You like him. He likes you.

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