A presidential gift list for naughty and nice

Posted: Thursday, December 24, 2009

Just when President Barack Obama thought his toughest decisions were behind him - his Afghanistan strategy, tackling unemployment, what to say to Tiger Woods if he calls - now he has to draw up a Christmas gift list. What will the current "decider" decide to give this holiday season ... to both the naughty and the nice?

• The health insurance industry: The new health care bill (the gift that keeps on giving).

• Big Pharma: Same as above, with unlimited refills.

• Senate Republicans: Membership in the Whine-of-the-Month Club.

• Joe Lieberman: Hanukkah guilt.

• Ben Nelson: Anything he wants.

• Michelle: Some manure for her garden (how about the health care bill?).

• Malia and Sasha: New Secret Service escort: Justin Bieber.

• Bo: Meat-flavored cardboard cutout of Sean Hannity.

• TARP bailout recipients: What, $700 billion wasn't enough?

• The Salahis: Invitation to a state dinner ... at Guantanamo Bay.

• Troops in Afghanistan: A McChrystal ball.

• Troops in Iraq: An all-expenses-paid trip from the frying pan into the fire.

• Fox News: An exclusive interview ... in 2013.

• Kim Jong Il: Fruitcake, extra nutty.

• China: As down payment on our debt, they get ... Ohio (nonrefundable).

• Hillary Rodham Clinton: Teflon pantsuit.

• Bill Clinton: Mistletoe pants.

• Sarah Palin: Eleven Pipers piping, 10 Bristols birthing, 9 Levis posing, 8 Todds a-mushing, 7 books a-signing, 6 moose a-dressing, 5 golden winks ...

• John McCain: A 4-pound gift basket of sour grapes.

• George W. Bush: Christmas leftovers. Why not? He gave his to America.

Kluger and Slavin are regular contributors to National Public Radio's "All Things Considered."

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