Why are some people “put off” by church? Could it be that they were victims of “judging one another?”

This has been on my mind lately. It is true that Christians need to discern what is right and wrong, what is good and evil, but discernment often turns into judgment and condemnation. For example, it is a Christian’s responsibility to discern that lying and cheating is wrong, but when someone is judged and condemned and driven away because they cheated or lied, that is not of Jesus. Jesus confronted sin in people’s lives, but his purpose was not driving people away but to draw them to himself, instructing them, “Go and sin no more.”

I love the stated mission of Jesus in John 3:16-17 in which Jesus himself says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Jesus died for our sins and through our faith in him we can have eternal life. The purpose of Jesus is not condemnation, but salvation. He wants to transform us from doing wrong to living right.

Our church culture often categorizes sins from ones that are “more acceptable” and others that are “too horrible.” Growing up in the church many years ago, divorce seemed to be the worst sin of all. Now divorce is become more “palatable” in the church. What are today’s “horrible” sins? The Bible teaches that all sin is disobedience to God, but God is willing to forgive us our sins and give us eternal life and make us new. That is grace! Grace is “not treating us as our sins deserve.” I believe this is key. God grants us grace and we, in turn, ought to also extend grace to others. Grace not judgement. Grace not condemnation. Grace not alienation. Yes, we still need to discern what is right and wrong and stand for what is right. But we can do so with grace and mercy. If I am not sure how to treat people, I would rather err on the side of grace.

I heard a church leader in our denomination make a statement years ago that has stuck with me. He said that we are to share the message of Jesus that Jesus loves people and died for their sins. But we are to let God’s spirit change people from within; change their behavior. Sometimes we get it backwards and want to change behavior before we share with them God’s message of love and salvation through Jesus Christ.

I believe there are many people who have been alienated from the church because they did not experience the love of God through God’s people. They did not experience forgiveness, grace and mercy.

I try to live out these verses in 1 Peter 3:15-16 in how I interact with people. “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

The key for my attitude is “gentleness and respect” because the way I share God’s love and grace for others speaks louder than the words that I say. I want the church to be known as a place where people can experience God’s love and mercy and grace; and a place where they can experience the transformation of their lives through Jesus Christ.

• Dan Wiese is pastor of the Church of the Nazarene. “Living & Growing” is a weekly column written by different authors and submitted by local clergy and spiritual leaders.